I was never going to have kids, it definitely wasn’t my thing. Well into my 20’s people would always ask, “when are you going to have kids?” or, “isn’t it getting a little late for you to start trying?” Why is the stigma that as soon as you are married, it’s time to start pumping those babies out? I felt as though I was a machine bred to continue the life chain. But, I wanted to travel, experience the world, and (if I am completely honest) was a little selfish. Is that really a problem though? I believe you should be allowed to spoil yourself before a new life becomes the subject of your entire existence. The day I finally decided to become a mom, though, everything changed. I have learned an insane amount about myself and continue learning new things every day. It’s crazy how much instinct tends to kick in when you bring a child into the world. I was terrible with kids growing up. I remember one day a co-worker asked if I wanted to hold his newborn baby, and I flat out said no. What if I dropped him, or worse, what if he started crying. Everything changed the minute our little boy came into our lives. It’s incredible what being a mom has taught me about myself.
The number one thing being a mom taught me about myself, is change and I don’t get along. I mean to be fair, I have always known I don’t handle it particularly well. However, when you introduce a baby into the mix the variable of change, somehow, becomes a constant. Things are always changing, and I am not just talking month to month or week to week. I literally mean down to the hour. One minute my baby loves mac and cheese the next, he is throwing it on the floor and screaming. One day I drop my kiddo off at his daycare to one teacher, the next, they have a whole new staff. I had extreme anxiety at the beginning with things never being the same. I eventually had to learn I can’t control everything in his life. At some point, it is in the hands of divine intervention, and I just have to accept that. Life is much easier when I am not constantly panicking over things not being the same.
I like to be in control. I mean, who doesn’t want to feel like they have some control over their life? Introduce a baby, and instantly all control is thrown out the window. Oh, you want your kid to eat 8 ounces of formula at a time? Good luck. They just finished two ounces, and refuse to let you put the bottle near their face. You don’t want your baby to have sweets before their first birthday? That would be nice, but the hairdresser just gave him a sucker to stop crying. I finally realized (about the time my kiddo was feeding all his food to the dog) that I can’t control life. He won’t starve if he doesn’t finish five bottles in a day. He won’t die if he picks his binkie up off the floor and puts it back in his mouth. I have finally come to terms with it is what it is. As Elsa ever so eloquently put it you just have to, “let it go”.
Patience is not a virtue. Alright, maybe that’s not completely accurate. However, it feels like it when you are up all night with a screaming kid, and nothing (and I mean NOTHING) will calm them down. I am going to be completely honest. I thought I was a fairly patient person. I can generally handle most situations with a decent amount of patience and grace. My husband might say otherwise, but I think I am usually fairly calm and composed. Let me just tell you, though. When I am running on no sleep for the third night in a row, my patience begins to dwindle. When my little one can’t stop coughing or is crying non-stop because he doesn’t feel well, all patience I might have is gone out the window. Patience is extremely hard. It is something that, with kids, takes a lot of practice. I have definitely learned I don’t have as much of it as I once thought.
I am forgetful. Okay okay, so maybe I have always known this. Especially, after the eight millionth time of locking my keys in the car. Becoming a mom, though, has definitely taught me that I am so much more forgetful than I ever thought. I am notoriously running out and running back into the house to grab things I missed. Nothing makes you feel more like a terrible mom than showing up to the zoo and realizing you forgot a bottle for your little one. I am here to tell you when pondering the question, “should I take the Diaper bag?” “Do I really need it?” the answer is always YES! Simple as that.
Becoming a mom has taught me, love is unending. Just when I think I have maxed out the amount of love I have, here comes Nash to prove me differently. When we got our two dogs they were like our children. I didn’t think it was possible to love anything more than how much I cared for them. That’s what kids are good for. To make you realize how much love you can have for such a tiny little being. My love for him will forever be greater than anything else in this world, and I had no clue that was even possible.
It’s incredible how much those tiny humans teach us, not only about ourselves, but life as well. I have learned more in the last year, and it’s just the beginning. I didn’t realize that my little boy would become my greatest accomplishment and the best thing to ever happen to me. He took my world and completely flipped it upside down. Everything I do is for him, and I wouldn’t change a thing. How has having kids changed your life? Leave a comment, and let me know! If you are planning to travel with those crazy little beings anytime soon, be sure to also check out my packing guides to help you through the journey!